the scoop

the tug of war.

nine months in. still figuring it out. wanted to write it down anyway.

i've been sitting on this one for a while. wasn't sure i had anything worth saying... and honestly, i'm still not sure. but i felt called to write it. so here it is.

maybe there's another mom out there having the exact same mental tug of war. if that's you - hi. pull up a chair.

the hard part is that my brain didn't get the memo. it's still running at that same pace... still making lists, still calculating what i should be doing. but the rest of me literally cannot keep up. it's a head spin i wasn't prepared for.

the tug of war

i want to be incredible at both.

on one side of my brain: lock in. get back to it. don't let monarch sit. you have work to do.

on the other side: slow down. be here. look at him. these days are not coming back.

i flip between them sometimes hourly. and the hardest thing i've had to accept - still accepting, honestly - is that one of them has to take a backseat. and it can't be my kid.

i want so badly to be two things - a really great mom and a really great business owner. i hate the word can't. but i can't do both at full capacity right now. and i'm learning to be okay with that.

the good part

watching stetson grow is the best thing.

i don't take for granted for a second that i get to be home with him. i am so thankful for monarch and tyler for giving me that. it's a blessing i think about often.

and speaking of tyler... watching him become a dad has been so fun. he has always been the only person who can genuinely settle me down. when i spiral into a full mind tornado about monarch or not doing enough or anything my brain tells me is worth a crisis, he just steadies me. doesn't try to fix it, just brings me back down to earth. he's been trying to teach me how to not worry for years. i think it might finally be working lol.

watching stetson's personality come in has been the best. he's laid back, happy, and full of it - and i am so here for getting to watch that happen up close every day.

for the other moms

if you're a one-woman show trying to hold it together - i see you.

you're going to lose a little bit of it for a while. not forever. just for this season.

your business is going to be there when your baby gets older. your baby is not going to be this little again.

but don't give up on it either. be flexible with what it looks like right now. it's going to look different in this season... and that's okay. you'll get it back.

these are things i'm still saying to myself every single day. lol.

i just felt called to post this. if you're in the middle of it too and you need to ramble about motherhood and small business ownership - i'm always here for it.

💗 kait